The Best Gift anyone can give me is The Gift of Prayer
For those who do not know me and think that I would expect to receive a gift from anyone before, on or even after my actual birthday, is actually the opposite. Growing up as the youngest male cousin in my family among my grandmother’s (mother’s mother) grandchildren, I usually receive clothes or other items from my older male cousins to wear or use. These clothes or items, whether cheap or expensive, are usually not worn nor used by them anymore. Instead of throwing them away, they would give them to me or give away to others. This is how I have learned not to keep things to myself when I don’t wear nor use them, but could be replaced.
Such as last year in 2021, when I turned 29, I decided to give away my unworn clothes and unused items such as shoes and belts. Collecting and selecting all of them, I gave them to the ones who need them more than I do, before, on and even after, let’s just say around my birthday. Even my mom often asks me what I want to do for my birthday, and I would always say that there’s nothing I would want on my birthday except for everyone to stay blessed and happy.
I never publicly said anything about this but I do have shared it with some who wonders why I usually spend my birthdays alone or go far away (traveling); I am living with PTSD (since before leaving Suriname. I only admitted in the book “Don’t be afraid” I wrote in a different way) and suffers from anxiety, and somehow do not like my own birthday.
When I turned 16, it was raining all day and night. Instead of enjoying my day, I had to attend someone else’s birthday. This day was the day I firstly experienced my parents gotten into a serious argument. Through the whole rainy day, I sobbed instead of smiling. The year after around my 17th birthday, my parents separated. And around my 18th birthday after the debut of my first book ‘Talented’, I had to go to the court for the divorce of my parents where I was asked different questions that made me uncomfortable. Ever since, I didn’t want to do anything on my birthday but somehow felt forced to. Now that I am living abroad by myself, I have decided to spend my birthdays differently. Going somewhere, exploring or seeing others smile, are some of the things I do.
As for this year 2022, my 30th birthday, I consider the trip with Ricky’s Travel invited and accompanied by tante Inke Ngalimoen and reuniting after 4 years with 2 family members, as a birthday present (the beginning of my 30th birthday). As a gift to myself, I saved up some money and treated myself with a silver ring as I always wanted but with a rock on it; and a baseball jacket with my identity (name, birthyear, country’s flag and signature) to represent who I am and where I am from. But on my actual birthday, I plasticized some Suriname Dollar bills and made some keychains with my country’s flag on it, to give away to others who mean something and have been a part of my journey in Indonesia. Some of these people are the Dean from Faculty of Social and Political Sciences, the Head of Communication Department, my Academic Advisor (who has always been so supported to me), the Dean of Faculty of Humanities, the International Office and the Rector of Universitas Andalas.
Furthermore, my academic advisor surprised me with 2 boxes of Domino’s pizza which I shared one box with my roommate and his friend. That evening, I went to Cinema XXI to watch Black Adam by myself. After watching the movie, I went straight back to the dorm to pick up the 2nd box of Domino’s Pizza and went to spend my last 20 minutes with my two amazing, warm-hearted and considered friends, Albara and Hanafi, until midnight until my birthday time in Indonesia was over. After spending time together, I went back around 1 o’clock to the dorm and slept around 01:30 am. On my birthday itself, I only ate once (pizza around 17:00) and slept only 3 hours within 24 hours.
But the Best Gift anyone can give me is The Gift of Prayer, because I believe that God doesn’t provide us with what we want, but with what we need, and whatever He gives, is ALWAYS THE BEST. Wishing everyone lots and lots of blessings!
One more thing:
Much have happened that led to PTSD. In 2020 during the COVID-19 pandemic, I started suffering from anxiety thinking I would literally die. In 2021, I studied Mental Heath to understand more about myself, but also to be able to understand and guide others. No one notices a thing when it comes, because instead of letting the negativity to be seen, I smile and do what I need to do, because negativity such as stress and sorrow, come from the Devil, but positivity such as smiles and happiness come from God.
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